Confrontation does not equal healing from abuse

Many victims who have suffered sexual or physical abuse feel the need for someone to face them. Tell him. The perpetrator committed a crime. It was hurtful, you can find here.

It may be very motivating. But, it could lead to anger or denial that can be very traumatizing. It would be very difficult for oneself to defend themselves against such responses. It is possible for the victim to be confronted and for them to offer forgiveness and to mend the relationship. The survivor might also be willing to forgive and let the perpetrator go, as well as seeing and feeling the victim as a whole new person.

Because my father was gone before he knew what he had done to me, I did not get the chance. But my mother was alive. My mother was diagnosed in colon cancer. I decided to accept it. It felt like a mixture cowardice/wisestuff. The cowardice… she was going down to minimize it. How could you accuse him of such an act? He loved and cared for me.” Or “Oh he was just a man.” Or, “But it didn’t really bother you – you grew very well.”

The wisdom part… My therapist quizzed me about my thoughts: “What would be it like to gain?” I dreamed that my mother would openly admit to having been abused. She would confess to her pain. She would comfort me and apologize. She would be protective, warm and caring like a mother.

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